I'm a nOrphan

 

 

My mother has been in various EMI nursing homes with dementia for 6 years. When Dad died it quickly became obvious that they hadn't been managing for ages. About 4 years ago, she was settled in a lovely home near my eldest brother. He has been the main carer since then, taking his turn, dealing with all the paperwork and responsibility while we rushed off to make a life in France.

Mum had something called a 'cardiac episode' after Christmas. The home staff were delightful, such lovely caring people both for her and us. We all decided that there was no point in her going into hospital so she spent the last few days of her life in her familiar room being looked after by people that cared about her and just faded away. I talked with a friend before Christmas who had had the most awful time in hospital with her mother, trying to get her cared for. I am so pleased that I have none of that regret.

The funeral was arranged for what turned out to be a really snowy weekend. Dad is already buried in the Suffolk village churchyard where they spent a very happy last 30 years of their life and Mum was to be joining him. It was late afternoon by the time she was put in the ground, in an almost black and white photo of a winter's afternoon with gently falling snow. A lovely turnout from the village, (such broad Suffolk voices) all but one of her 5 siblings represented and a few long lost cousins that had managed to brave the snow.

As is the way of funerals, the family get together was lovely. A huge advantage for both Dad and Mum's funeral has been the ability of the internet to gather stories from all sides and ages of the family and also to gather people who have been pursuing the history of the family.

It feels very much that they are now resting in peace with everyone having done all they could to give them what they wanted. 

Incidentally after my brother's euology, my daughter in law said 'he could have been talking about you'. Part of me is delighted to follow in my mother's footsteps and part of me is horrified :-)

More news of the staircase

The staircase saga started so long ago it has disappeared into the mists of time!

Three and a half years ago we ordered a staircase from someone who said that it could be delivered when we wanted it. It was delivered about 3 months late and very badly put in. Big argument in the hall.

We offered to pay half. He sent the bailiffs in to collect his money. Didn't realise at the time that in France you pay for the bad work and then go to court to get it back. Fortunately we had ticked an insurance box that meant that our insurance agent would pay for any court cases resulting from bad work - bet he wishes he hadn't.

So he took us to court. We had an expert come to look at the stairs, he wrote a report. He had an expert in to look at the stairs, he wrote a report. The court sent an expert in to look at the stairs he wrote a pre pre report, a pre report and a report. He held a court case in the kitchen with legal representation from us and them and the stair man came to that.

Judge wanted a quote for removing staircase, making good stairwell and putting in new stairs - after a delay of years that had to be within the week.

Judge ruled that the staircase was indeed badly done and we should be refunded.

Our solicitor claims the money. Stair man doesn't pay. So now we are sending the bailiffs after him..............................

Phew

Well all seems to be well.

We have just returned from a second visit - who knew that the house was quite that wonky, definitely a rhombus not an oblong.

We went to see the notaire to see if there was anything that we could sign that would agree the house sale to us and his advice was to send a letter outlining our position and telling the owner how easy it would be to sell the house and that he would do everything - for the fat fee that we pay him. Leave a paper trail.

We have rushed around getting a letter written in a suitably french flowery style to say that we loved the house and were so sorry that the owner had such difficulties etc etc.

Cousin seemed to be falling over himself to say that everything would be well, much more concerned that we wouldn't wait until the new year when we return to France to buy the house.

Such a relief to have a house that we really like at a sensible price. And such a relief not to have to keep looking.

Yay it's brilliant

We took a posse of friends to view the house. Turns out that the french guy knows the guy showing us round. Both rugby players. Phew.

Great house. Just as good as we could expect. Lots of original features, lovely garden, all wood floors left. A complete tip (I'll get the pictures sorted later) but in a sorting stuff way not a neglected sort of way. All good.

Ended up by offering the asking price and the guy showing us round said he would tell the owner that it was sold and he took down the sign.

Much relief on our part. A house at last. Lots of discussion and planning.

Then tonight. Phone call from the guy who had shown us round. Had we rung the owner? No I thought you were doing that but no worries we will.

Rang the owner. Somehow it turned into a conversation of other people viewing, more money, nothing happening until January.....................................

So, yet again, from delight to What the Hell????????????

Rang and explained to french guy and he has rung the guy who showed us round and all is well with him. So what is going on?

And there was us thinking that the roller coaster was over.

Shirt ironing

As a teenager we all had to take turns at washing up after the evening meal. At the time, it seemed to me a better option to do the ironing in front of the telly even though it took longer and my brothers would be gloating about how they had finished.

 

 

 

Dad was in the RAF and there were always at least 5 uniform shirts each week and sometimes dress shirts and others. I was told it was very important to do these right otherwise he might get into trouble on parade. Looking back now, I wonder again at the gullibility of children that it was a privilege to iron his shirts (and polish his shoes) - clever Mum.

 

A few weeks ago, I was discussing ironing shirts with my brother-in-law and discovered that we ironed them in completely opposite order.

 

For me it is collar from the back, shoulders from the inside, sleeve, cuff, sleeve, cuff then right front round to left front. Then lay it on its front on the ironing board, fold in sides and sleeves, tuck in tails (yes they had tails) and fold comme ca.

 

 

Fortunately the days of endless work shirts are over and I haven't managed to pass on an ability to iron to any of my children. They all seem to work on the basis that the creases will come out while you wear it and the most they get is the front ironed for interviews. Ho hum, failed again.

OK This is exciting

 

The lady from Bordeaux has just rung to say that we can see this on Sunday. A second/half cousin has turned up with the key.

 

 

 

On edge of town. Large garden, lovely views, potential garage down chemin rurale at side and..............................70,000 euros. Even though I know it can be complete rubbish inside I don't care I'M EXCITED.

Houses, houses, houses

A miserable, grey start to the day. Took some effort to get started this morning. Come on, let's do something. Let's go and find some of these left overs. Bit of phoning and emailing to try and locate some of the houses that are for sale privately.

First one was too suburban. Second one:

we visited a long time ago. Him Outdoors didn't like it much but it has a good position, good land, near the town we like. And it's been on a long time so therefore cheaper.

This one:

 

is much more expensive - you can tell can't you. But again been on a long time. Owned by a friend of a friend so no agents' fees (which on this house would be 24,000 euros (!) are a consideration) Maybe they are desperate enough to come down to something we can consider. Still nothing much to do but a much nicer place to do nothing in and again near the town.

 

In the back of our minds we have had a couple of houses in the town that were for sale years ago but the sign was no longer on them. Good position, lovely mature garden and fruit trees, bit derelict (if you can be a bit derelict surely it either is or it isn't).  Let's go and check the numbers and then go to the Mairie and they will tell us the owners and a contact address.

 

And look, there's a new sign (with telephone number) on one down the same road. Lots of peering over the fence and it seems to be ok with a good garden. And so it seems from the Maire.

 

So now we have two people to ring and two possible back ups. Definitely a day that is improving.