I'm so sorry it's all my fault!

Never thought I would hear that from a workman French or otherwise.

Today was window fitting day. Got to the house for 8 am to prepare for the fitting of four windows with appropriate handles, new handles for the one already fitted and balustrades for two of them.

Not quite according to plan. The sitting room window is lovely, the kitchen window is lovely, the bedroom window is lovely. Muttering from upstairs about the spare bedroom window. Problem seemed to be resolved but after a little while I went upstairs.

That's not the right size. (And you're trying to make it fit.) Huge gaps all round. Excuse me but I don't understand, is this the right size?

Having been found out in their trying to fudge it, they couldn't have been more helpful. (Thank heavens we were there.) No, I'm sorry, that won't do, I will need another one. OK I will call the office. It's fine, the man will come this afternoon and remeasure.

Meanwhile the bedroom and sitting room were cracking on and the kitchen looked fine.

Where are the balustrades? What balustrades? We haven't got them, I'll call the office.

Where are the new handles? We have them. Oh, no we don't. We ordered the right ones but they have sent the wrong ones.

So they continued with what they could do, were everso apologetic about what they couldn't, the boss would come this afternoon to talk to us.

OK I'll just go and admire the ones that are brilliant. (Pictures later.) Opened the large bedroom window and there is nothing to hold the unopened half shut. What, you expect to have the window half open? But it's not a door, they are not built like that. You should have ordered the fitting if you wanted that. Oh for f's sake, enough is enough. And the kitchen window is the same.

Talk to the chief who is coming this afternoon.

We await the chief, thinking that he is going to be some slimey bugger trying to weasel his way out of sorting out the problem. We couldn't have been more wrong.

Oh madame I am so sorry it is all my fault. I did the measuring incorrectly, I will order you another one to come as quickly as possible (and you would like to change the layout of the panes in the new window, no problem).

I am so sorry the handles are wrong, that wasn't our fault but we should have checked before we came, we will order the new ones for next week.

I am so sorry the balustrades haven't arrived, the blacksmith is making them and he is delayed, I will fit them as soon as they arrive.

How could you possibly know that you have to order the fittings for closing windows, I will get them for next week too and that will be no problem.

You could have knocked us over with a feather! They may have messed up but their customer service was gobsmacking - especially from France who don't know the meaning of the word (sorry couldn't resist that).